Sunday, July 13, 2008
I had to write a 250 word about me for a Class. I'm trying to convince the teacher I have have the potential to be super villain. I think it's a little more honest than I'm normally comfortable with.
A Vague and Dishonest Self Evaluation.
I am suffocating on a shit pile of highly calculated affectations. I only am myself for appearances. I do not believe the things I say although sometimes I suspect I wish I did. I'm not sure about much of anything. I assume there must be a real human person somewhere inside of me but any serious thoughts on this matter make me doubt my relation to the rest of the world. I have parents that are fine. I don't like talking about them because I consider the relationship vulgar and annoying. I'd much rather not have an origin. I consider most relationships vulgar and annoying. At the same time I fear being alone terribly and always want company. There is a constant uncertainty and hatred that runs through me that I try my best to ignore. I feel as if more people were like me the world would loose its breath and slowly die. I don't feel Armageddon is something to be feared. Everything has an end. Oblivion isn't as bad as people make it out to be. I am floating through the sludge of the megaverse waiting for a great connection to be made between me and the rest of existence. I feel as if I have never truly touched anything in my life. There is a longing in me to be completely normal, wholly unremarkable, and healthy. I sigh when I think of this.
I wish I was the person who believed the things that I said. I look at her and stare in to her eyes and tell her I love her she smiles and looks down. I brush the hair back from her ear. You mean everything to me. I let my lips brush her ear as I speak. I keep my eyes sincere and smile tight, brimming with what must be overwhelming adoration. She looks back elated, comforted. I feel nauseas. She disgusts me, every inch of her being, soggy and too pale. Crinkles and bumps in her skin that were once invisible. I watch her walk naked to the shower, fatter than ever. To be associated with her is to become her. She lowers me. I watch her move around in my shit so comfortably. I try to find the specter of the girl I so proudly seduced, so drunkenly fell in love with. She sludges her way through the sharp static of hungover air like wet mold. I'll need gloves to remove her. She looks over her shoulder and smiles at me, ignoring the hatred in my smile retort. I go and stand at my window smoking. The sky is still morning gray and blends seamlessly with the parking lot city. I breathe in the smoke and my chest is too tight to enjoy it. I see my gay neighbors walk across the parking lot in to the building. I nod to them. Their faces are full of scorn and contempt for me. I turn the volume down on my television. There is an elderly homeless woman wearing a grocery store plastic bag as a shower cap. She moves through the dumpster comfortably being careful not to make a mess of anything besides her self. The snow starts to fall as the long ash of my cigarette drops to the floor. The homeless woman moves through the trash salvaging bottles and cans, somebody's filth Christmas sweater. She looks at me and I look down. A domesticated cat walks through her legs demandingly. I hear the shower turn off and she comes out naked, comfortable and oblivious. She puts her arm around me and buries her face in my shoulder. I take her in my arms and tell her I love her. I say it deeply and with the utmost sincerity.
I want us both dead.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Bari A. Khan
Je ne attends pa pour vous arrivons.
Ce sont grande nombre de restaurants dans Royal Oak avec ce sont varie le boire et la manger . Nous allons sud de Royal Oak a
J’ai 23 ans et je vais une fac de
De ville est réconfortant, alors s’habiller par consequent. De ville il n’ pa ont de metro. Alors, nous allons en conduire dans voiture persque partot.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
I spoke with Mike Palm guitarist/vocalist and the only remaining original member of Agent Orange. I put him somewhere between the Adderall and the arthritis punks.
Over the twenty-eight years that Agent Orange has existed, the DIY underground network has been completely revamped by the internet. A band can exist mainly in cyberspace, their city of origin completely irrelevant. Palm’s jaded vet half seems reluctant to embrace this idea, “Well it’s interesting with MySpace and the internet in general it’s easier to network, but it seems to me as the DIY ethic is not as prevalent as it used to be… Fanzines used to be more important, independent labels, the indie network used to be more of a community, technology has made people a little more detached.”
His continued enthusiasm for touring and playing with Agent Orange is still his main focus. He says that “It’s been the busiest year for the band ever.” I asked Palm how they keep things interesting, “The industry is always changing and that’s what exciting now, having the longevity we have, gives us the perspective to see how things evolve and change.”
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Christ. My body's really suffering now. I think I'm being irresponsible. I probably am, any ambiguity is a tell. I'm being irresponsible. 58 beers litter my apartment, the one next to my computer is a little mangled and full because somebody tried to rip it in half last night. God bless them. There is a thin layer of cigarette ash covering most everything. Random inexplicable bits of plastic remind me what a pain this is going to be to clean up. The filth kind of nags and reminds you of yr hangover more than you would like. It was fun though. Great weekend as far I'm concerned. Somebody called me a cock-fag last night. It was remarkable. I have to interview Agent Orange. What the fuck do you say to Agent Orange? I was told to make bullets of my questions for Agent Orange. Here's what I got so far:
How are you?
Me, I'm Great!
Yeah, Bloodstains was pretty cool.
I'll call and stumble my way through this soon. In other news my leg hurts and if anybody knows how to get the Black Lips to come here for Devils night let me know.
-Good HuntingBari A. Khan
Monday, September 17, 2007
I plan on my first foray into investigative journalism is to follow the "Hogan Knows Best" VH1 show. "Hogan Knows Best" if you don't know is a show following around the lives of Hulk Hogan and addresses how he, a now retired wrestler has to deal with normal folk problems like raising a vapid non-person daughter, and an idiot car enthusiast son who is 2 months away from rehab and becoming a paparazzi hero, and his wife who is some broad who banged Hulk Hogan at least twice. My problem is with that the show is that it seems to me that the producers tell those people everything to say and do. I'm gonna call all the locations they visit, restaurants, hotels, etc. and find out how scripted the whole thing is. Hogan has made a career out of insulting our intelligence, making not only a mockery out of professional wrestling, but now reality tv. This double transgression will not stand and Hogan will be exposed as the poser he is. I will be petitioning Macho Man Randy Savage (long time Hulk hater)for full funding of my investigation. Hogan yr a lame old fuck, quit taking up precious VH1 airtime when awesome shows like The Pick-Up Artist only get played 4 or 5 times a day. Hulkamania is a dead dream, the ideology convoluted and broken. He will fall.